One of the most hated questions by my daughters. They want to be recognized for who they are, and not be seen as “the kid with the mother in a wheelchair”.
So take that into consideration when you address a familymember of a handicapped person. The biggest mistakes to make are when you are saying: “I wish I could take over the handicap of your mother”. That may give you a fuzzy feeling, but we know it isn’t possible and it makes my daughters angry.
Another one is to assume I cannot do anything and I am not right in the head. Yes, I have a handicap, but I am still me. I love cruel jokes, I can talk, laugh, cry and cuddle, and I am still me. So when you talk about me as “the woman in her little cart” it is demeaning and disrespectful. Most importantly it is hurtful to my kids. I can still crush your toes with my little card or blatantly say something inappropriate to have my little revenge. But do not hurt my kids!
Do not attribute my kid’s life’s choices to my handicap. They are smart young women who are inventing their life, partly based on the experiences with my handicap but mostly because they have unique talents and want to find their own way in the world.
I hope this column has made you think. I know most things are said well meant but sometimes they hurt others deeply. We don’t need more hurtful feelings. Thanks for your consideration.